With this one, I can say that I´ve held about four or five blogs. Today, all inactive. Perhaps caused by some shame of my insipid writing, perhaps caused by the fear of such exposure, since I was signing with my own name and not even depurating what was coming through my mind. Everything, including the worst thoughts, plainly handed from it to my fussy fingers on the keyboard.
First I´ve thought about writing something poetic and romanticized. Two posts came out of this feeling. Posts that will be forgotten. Memories of happy fragments of my developing loving. We all got some cute and romantic litlle stories that bless our illusory and frustrating western way of understanding love and sex.
But the construction of the romantic bond can be just the relief for our existential pain, as well as the religions.
We were trained to dream about the perfect match, someone who is able to feed all our anguish of being alone in the world. Yes, cause after we were delivered to this fantastic world, we had to familiarize with the loneliness of a place without the warm and confort of the womb. And then, we have to spent a whole life looking for something to fill in the hole caused by this.
This false dream where the other cannot have an individual life, cause it´s supposed to be two in one, brings us to a reflection about what is inherent to us or what is cultural. Of course, our society makes us believe that most of our feelings were always there. But why in some cultures is polygamy completely acceptable without jealousy?
And why is this jealousy so important to us as an evidence of true love?
We will always be frustrated if we keep looking for this impossible human being. Someome who can complete another human being just does not exist!
The idea of exclusivity is cozy but unbearable. For sure I would love to have someone so in love with me that this love would blind and isolate him from the external world. But what a damn selfish I would be! Someone who cannot see other attractive beings would be someone sick. And it´s sad and cruel.
On the other hand, how do we cope with this feeling of rejection now that we´ve got a whole history and background that support this illusion?
It´s a question that I´m trying to answer...
